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Sunday, October 1, 2017

Can you rate the pain from 0 to 10?

In my blog, there is a quote in the subtitle that says -'' Life is like a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polish us up depends on the stuff we made of''. And what are these stuff? These are the problems, trials, adversities, difficulties, trying circumstances, unfortunate events... whatever you call it may be. The stuff that we will encounter or face anytime, anywhere. These are the things that can break or make us, it only depends on how we deal, manage, and cope with it. We all know that life here on Earth is not easy. Therefore,we cannot expect that our experiences here will be all in bed of roses, there will always be thorns.  And guess what, These stuff that we are talking of has its byproducts--PAIN and SUFFERING.
Since I was around 10 years old,I always bear this in mind;That pain and suffering are inevitable in life. And it is the truth. As I grew older and became a mature adult, I always remind myself that if not for those byproducts, I will never be a person that I would have become right now. Those pain and sufferings that I have experienced honed and molded me to prepare for my other struggles and battles in the near future. Well, as expected other people will say, my pain and sufferings are nothing but petty, trivial compared to what they had experienced. Probably yes and this is my response to them-a quote from Paulo Coelho's book :By the River Piedra I Sat down and Wept: ''We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.''  

On the other hand, we all have our own struggles, burden, luggage to carry. But how will you respond and deal seeing a loved one suffering from a breast cancer and the doctor told her that she has only 6 months to live? What about a person who is in severe pain and was paralyzed due to a vehicular accident? For instance,an important person who is close to you died suddenly due to cardiac arrest leaving his family behind. What if a friend of yours was laid off from his job and got so depressed? or lets say a family member was diagnosed with a terminal illness...or his siblings were missing and cannot be found due to a recent  natural disaster? What if a person will ask you... why this thing happened to me? Why me? what I have done wrong? What went wrong?... What will you do? Will you give an advice or you will just keep silent and listen to their sighs and moans... Will you empathize or sympathize? How will give comfort? or alleviate the pain? what measures will you take to mitigate the grief? Honestly,  I personally don't know what are the right words to say, what to do, when and how to respond. All I can say is to pray and talk to God.

When I was 15 years old, a friend gave me a book as her birthday present for me. The title is ''Where is God when it hurts?''  A book which I got inspired of how the author Philip Yancey explained and answered that question. But only a person with a deep rooted faith can discern the beauty of pain and sufferings and the messages that God wants to convey to us.Will you agree that pain is a gift? and suffering is an opportunity? Do you believe that pain is the megaphone of God?

At that age, my eyes were opened and my mind was enlightened by that reality. That I got hurt, I am hurting, and will get hurt. Hence, pain and suffering are my reminders that I am still alive. Pain also gives me a reason to hope, to strengthen my faith.  When I am suffering, it helped me shape from within. It does not only test my character but it mold my spirit. Yes, pain and suffering made me to doubt, to think that life is unfair but it also made realized anew that I am not just here to pursue happiness but also to keep track of my actions and uphold my values. It was never easy because life was not meant to be perfect.Families and loved ones may fail you, some friends will disappoint you. But God won't and never will. I am pretty sure that there was a point in your life that it seems like you just wanna give up because your strength ebbed away, or you are lost, you walked astray.You feel hopeless because your faith almost falter. I think we all did. But the good thing is, we did not give up, we stood up and face it head on.We found the light and took the right path. We revived the hope of winning our faith.

So, Where is really God when it hurts? '' He is in US -not in the things that hurt- helping to transform bad into good.We can safely say that God can bring good out of evil; we cannot say that God brings about the evil in hopes of producing good.''-  Philip Yancey

And for me? He is carrying You, Me, US.All I can say is keep the FAITH.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

In spite of my plenitude...


A week ago, I've read a book- ''My name is Lucy Barton''. I found the title quiet intriguing thus, it piqued my interest to perused each page. The character in the story is Lucy who is in the hospital , and  while she is on her bed narrates her story as she recall  her troubled life experiences through the people that she met since her childhood up to the present situation and the impact made of each person  to  her along with the realization and life's important lessons.

This quote from the book struck me... '' There is that constant judgement in this world: How are we going to make sure we do not feel inferior to another?''

A question which can have various answers and opinions from different individuals. An enlightenment that can make you reflect about the  reality of this world we are living in, which is in fact  hostile and only the tough and strong ones can survive. I even asked myself and contemplated on it.

In life, destructive criticisms and condescending statements are inevitable. People may tell you, '' You're not good enough, that other person is better and more competent'. Other people may say, '' You're not that talented, creative, decisive etc.'' Word is a very powerful tool. It gives us the power to express and communicate, to think, to speak, and thereby create the atmosphere and events in our lives. But as the saying goes '' With great power comes great responsibility''. Word, like a sword with two sharp edges, can move mountains and  make our dreams come true or can bring forth destruction to one's character and everything surrounds it. It can also bring freedom and set us free, or crush our confidence and shatter our  aspirations and dreams. The words that we utter can convey different messages along with our gestures, intonation, and facial expressions. The meaning of those words and how it is associated can give a deeper impact. Either good or bad.

I know someone who have gone through probably more than our share of impartiality and unfair situations. Some of his friends and colleagues will crack jokes about him, make him a laughing stock at times. Others find him weird or indifferent while there are some who consider him smart but aloof. And here is the other guy, known to be smart, witty, amicable. He gets along with other people easily and quiet popular, and he is in the road to his success. But criticisms  towards him are numerous too.  They find him smart but gullible. Ideal but ineffective and it marred his good character and reputation. Both two different individuals but still experienced the same fate, through gossips and derogatory statements by their friends, colleagues even their families and other individuals. Those harsh reactions, below-the-belt comments or opinions rang out in their minds again and again over weeks, months or even years. We will never know how affected they are, how big is the damage, or how deep is the impact to them. How these negative words, voices play in their ears. And how can they take control of these: the hurt, criticism, bad comments. These can lead to a feeling of rejection, despondence or inferiority. As what Lucy says '' We never knew, and never would know , what it would like to understand another person fully.''

''One can be ready to withstand remarks about one's past or one's clothes, but then-- a tiny remark and the soul deflates and says: Oh.''

Choice of words that comes from a person's mouth are very important to me. I always believe that each word was processed by the brain and mixed by emotions before it is spoken,and  thus I think that jokes are really half meant. But as we are living in a world full of pretensions and lies. It is for our best interest to be cautious of other people's furtiveness. If only we can put gossips to  abeyance or better replace it with unceasing encouragement and genuine compliments but it would be best to keep those unnecessary and not-so-good comments to the crevices of their mouths. If that happens, most probably this world would be a better place to live in.
How can I not ponder these words:
'' This must be the way most of us maneuver through the world, half knowing, half not, visited by memories that can't possibly true. But when I see others walking with confidence down the sidewalk, as though they are free completely from terror, I realize I don't know how others are. So much life seems speculation.''-- Elizabeth Strout

Whenever we feel the sting of rejection or disappointment. In which we are entitled to feel those emotions. Instead of allowing ourselves to feel down, devalued; losing our self confidence or letting ourselves to wallow in self-pity. We should always remember that we are God's greatest creation. You are handpicked by Him. We are valuable, His greatest masterpiece. Our family, loved ones and friends can or may  fail us but not the Lord. They can reject us but God accepts us wholeheartedly despite our flaws and shortcomings... We have to dig our heels in. We should not allow others to squelch our confidence, to squash our creativity and other talents. We may feel sometimes that life is unfair, that probably something is wrong with yourself. It is not true. We should not allow other people to steal our maximum potentials and definitely we should not allow ourselves to go through this feeling that we are not good enough. We should change our attitude to a higher altitude. We should not walk astray from the path that we are meant to take. Let us hold our heads up high and live with confidence.We should keep our attitude of faith. As the Lord says '' You are fearfully and wonderfully made.''

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Happiness + Love = GROWTH

I am done and totally back from my career project. Well, it is still a task in progress and so far in few months time I can say that I am holding firmly the steering wheel in my journey to cope with the inevitable challenges and difficulties that I must deal and face to honed me in a different perspective, being in a new working environment. But despite the fact that I came from night shift and just slept for 2 hours,I opened my laptop because I can't help but to write in my blog since it bothered  me when a friend of mine asked me this question impromptu:  How can you define happiness?... (And I replied, what do you mean? )...What is the definition of  happiness for you?. It made me ponder, then I replied this simple statement- ''Happiness for me is seeing my loved ones and friends healthy, living a comfortable life; It simply means that I am happy if I see them that they are all well... But honestly, for  me happiness is conditional and joy is eternal, I preferred the latter.'' Then he asked me again, it is the usual and common answer. Seriously, I want to know your thoughts, how can you be happy. Then I told him, give me some time to contemplate on that and I will tell you my answers soon. It took me almost a day to think about that question and since he wants a  not so common answer, so  this was my reply to him from a book that I have read- a thought from  William Butler Yeats:

''Happiness is neither a virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth.We are happy when we are growing.''

Even the contemporary researchers make the same argument: ''Happiness isn't a goal attainment but the process of striving after goals- that is growth-- that brings Happiness.''  I shared to him the First Splendid Truth formula of an author of which I have the same thought.This is my answer to his question: ''To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.''.
I want to feel that with the person that I genuinely love. At this point in time, I cannot equate happiness with materials things, I am contented with I have achieved and ready to face whatever life brings me. I realized anew that I am so determined to always give my best in everything and even to the point of taking risks to prove something when in fact it is not necessary and nobody obliged me to do so. I always look down to myself, not to discourage me but  for me to strive harder and be more challenged.Most probably, it is my own way to constantly remind me to stay humble so as not to be overwhelmed by the successes but rather to be grateful of all the blessings and graces that God showers to me everyday. Then I paused for a while and continue explaining...I guess it is the right time that I will think about myself, about my own happiness and not just always the other people who are important in my life. The best time to let my heart unguarded, so that it can pump the blood of genuine love smoothly  and will flow freely to my whole being to fill in the emptiness, my whole emotions. I felt the sudden gush, and the feeling was just right. At present, I am happy because I continue to grow and I want to grow together with this person. ( Then my friend interrupted me, tama na kasi humuhugot ka na naman! haha! ) unknowingly, I did not realized it. And we both laughed.

To love and be loved is a bliss. It is a great feeling indeed. It brings a great joy that the most special and extraordinary person in the whole world fell in love and  has chosen you to be a part of his/her life.The mysteries and wonders of love. Then the experiences we gained in the aspect of love, it may be in various forms or levels made us resilient, more mature and better individuals.These experiences may it be good or bad gave us the lessons and produced growth that we need for us to become more responsible in handling the relationships next time around.

We can't change anyone but ourselves. This is a fact.Loving someone and accepting for who, what he/she is, for just being him/her creates a more loving atmosphere, thus a friend of mine told me that her ''relationship mantra'' is '' I love my partner, just as he is''. An author says: '' There is no love; there are only proofs of love.'' Whatever love we might feel in our hearts, others will see only our actions. We should give proofs of love. Saying I love you, I miss you, I care for you are not enough. Put those words into actions. That is why we have the actions words kiss, hug, cuddle. Research says, when we hug the person for at least 6 seconds (minimum time), it stimulates the flow of oxytocin and serotonin, which are mood boosting chemicals that promotes bonding, thus it relieves tension and reduce stress. It also boosts feeling of closeness, and even squelches the pain. What more can a kiss does to a person you love. 

The feeling is inexplicable, the connection is spontaneous and most importantly it  feels just right. To love someone truly means having no doubts, no hesitations, no limits or boundaries. If Moana says: The ocean chose her for a reason. I know that LOVE chose this person for me... for a reason. Just like Merideth Grey in Grey's Anatomy.I have found ''my person''. A person you go to for everything. The person you can't live without, the person you can't stay mad at, and the person that supports you in everything that you do. I know being someone's ''person'' is a commitment. And I am ready to build not just a lasting relationship but also a commitment for a lifetime.
To find the right person for love is fate.And to find happiness with the right person is a destiny. But it is God's will to have found the right person that will make you happy for the rest of your life and both of you will grow old together.

At this moment, Happiness for me is this formula : Happiness + Love = GROWTH

Thursday, September 8, 2016


''Aja!'', this is a Korean word that I always  say to my loved ones, friends and to the people who are discouraged, dismayed or in depths of despair. It actually means '' Never give up, never stop fighting''. As they always say, ''The key to success is to never give up''. But what is really the meaning or the essence of  true success in life? How do we really measure success? 

14 years ago, I have read in a book about Ralph Waldo Emerson's  reflection on success. I was so inspired by the message that he wants to convey, thus I promised myself since then that I will keep it my mind and live it by heart. This is his reflections on SUCCESS:

How do you really measure success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others.
To leave the world in a bit better
whether by a healthy child, a redeemed social condition,
or a job well done;
To know even one other life  has breathed because you lived-
This is to have succeeded.

These reflections changed the way how I perceive things about success in life. Of course, since I was a kid, I always dream big. To have a big house, a posh car; to be a famous singer/actor, to get a lucrative job, to travel around the world... I am obviously ambitious but these things are not bad at all.In fact, it keeps me more motivated and focus in order to achieve it. We can coined success to  all of these but it made me realized earlier that these are just mundane ideas of what success is. 

 You know what  is the meaning of success for me? 

To wear a smile despite the trying circumstances and tremendous adversities;
To keep one's composure and be calm even if you're stuck in a colossal traffic jam.
To be remembered by a patient whom you took care of and got discharged,
or to appease an irate client.
To find a genuine friend or to befriend your enemy;
To gain the person's trust and the respect of other people.
To win a person's heart or to find your true love;
To gain one's freedom and be fully accepted .
To be a  somebody's shoulder to cry on or mend a broken heart;
To give time to someone or for that person to feel your presence.
To give education to the unprivileged and to serve the less fortunate;
To forgive someone and give a person another chance.
To be an inspiration to someone whom you do not know or 
to live a life to the fullest with no regrets.  
This is to have succeeded.

I will always be grateful for all the experiences that I have encountered in my life. The problems I came across and solved head on. The obstacles I have faced and surpassed. The difficulties that I have experienced and overcame. The real world is tough and not easy to deal with but once I am equipped with the necessary armors and weapons, it gives me no reason to give up. In fact, it polishes me to become a true warrior. A man of character with a resilient heart.

To become successful is to gain experiences about life. Experiences of joy and sadness; hope and despair; compliments and criticisms; acceptance and rejection, even the constant struggles and pain. There is no such thing as smooth mountains, there will always be sharp ridges that we must stepped on. We will stumble and fall along the way but we stood up and go on. Some might walk astray but eventually will find their way to the right path. Others took a risk and it lead them to victory. This is  success.

 In my opinion, there is no exact definition of success; rather , manifestations of noble gestures, clear insight and a genuine heart.

* I dedicate this essay to my families, friends, colleagues.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

                                               My Heart's Dilemma

To love is to be vulnerable to anything...the feeling is inexplicable, it implodes.My heart beats faster and it suddenly suffused with a gush of blood and filled in the four chambers of my heart.It seems like I am in a trance-like state.

At first I want to guard my heart. Making sure it is secure, keeping it intact. I will give it to no one.I will keep  and lock it in a safety box, wrap it with my interests and some luxuries.I removed all entanglements.I want it to become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. But inside, which is dark and airless, my heart became numb, dull, motionless...It became selfish and weak.

Then I have decided to open my heart to all possibilities. It will certainly be wrung, smashed or squelched, possibly be broken.It is completely out of the box, totally exposed to the uncertainties and perfectly not safe from all the dangers. It can be wounded then it will bleed. Pressures of unceasing comfort and unfailing care will be applied and eventually the bleeding will stop. Unfortunately, it  will cause a permanent scar.  A scar which will always remind me of the pain, those gloomy days and  the indelible melancholic memories.And as time goes by, my heart will be healed but it was changed. A changed which I will be grateful of.It became vibrant, active- selfless and resilient.

And I would rather choose the latter. How bout you? 

I composed this poem 13 years ago and I want to dedicate this to the person I will love genuinely.

                  To Love You True

Ever since the day we've met,
You, to be my friend is not a regret.
For me, it's a price that one must get,
And like a treasure that must be kept.

You're the special person in my heart,
And a special someone on my part.
Your attitude is what I like from the start,
That's why I don't want that we will be apart.

My love for you grow stronger day by day,
So to say "I love you" is just a simple way.
I will always love you, no matter what they say,
And I hope with me,  forever you'll stay.

I really like your inside appearance,
Most especially your great forbearance.
And if God will give me a single chance,
I will not allow to loose you, even just for a glance.

And when you feel lonely and blue,
That it seems like the world turned back from you.
Fear not, because I'll be here beside you,
To comfort, to care and to love you true.

I am quiet sure, our paths will cross and our hearts will beat harmoniously in the perfect time and place. There is no need for me to be pressured. A heart fully recovered is now ready to be strike again by the cupid's arrow because a giving heart deserves a better fate.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

The Abyss

It’s been quite a while since I wrote in my blog. Most probably because I got busy with my career, tried to realign my priorities, got preoccupied with some stuff or simply just got stacked up in the traffic of so-called LIFE. At this moment, I am closing my eyes, taking deep breaths, imagining myself lying on the green patch of grasses under the shade of a large tree while relishing the panoramic view of the lake, enjoying its pristine water. I can feel the soft, cool breeze while breathing the fresh air. I can also hear the chirping of the birds at the same time the rustle of the leaves… This is what I call the true sense of tranquility. 

I started visualizing the things that I have done in the past, contemplated in some of the decisions that I have made recently and pondered the lessons that I have learned from the numerous experiences. Then, I opened my eyes and I realized so many things… I told myself that I am now a more resilient and a stronger person because I am not concealing my own fragility. I am now wiser compared before otherwise, I have not taken those steps beyond my boundaries. I am more confident since I am not afraid to stumble at some point in my life and I do not take it as a sign of weakness but rather being human.

On the other hand, I was also awakened by the truth. That I am still broke, marred by my weaknesses and shortcomings though, I already picked up each piece of myself for me to be whole again. I am still in pain, feel like beaten up but I believe that I have never been defeated in a battle despite the fact that I did not manage to avoid the scars of the adversities and difficulties that I have faced. I realized anew that I am vulnerable to anything, to anyone. That sufferings and sacrifices are inevitable but still I am opening my two important doors: the door of my life and the door to my heart.

While I am on standby mode in the Equestrian area watching the kids having their horse-ride lessons, at the same time I am also browsing my facebook and I saw this post in my newsfeed:
“I need to stop being in love with the ideas of what I could have been. We could have slowly inched closer and held each other a little tighter; We could have laughed a little harder and fallen in love some more. There are so many things that could have happened, but didn’t. We almost were. We almost weren’t. We almost happened. Cupid almost won. But he didn’t. We didn’t either.”- Ming D. Liu

After I have read it, I felt a sad pang in my chest. A flashback of those unforgettable memories and a throwback of those happy “cloud nine” moments being together made my spirit low. Mixed feelings of sadness and loneliness permeated on me though there was a part of my heart too that seemed like it was suffused with a gush of freedom and relief. I can still remember those times when the billow of fire full of love and dreams was burning incessantly within our hearts, penetrating into its four chambers spreading love to everyone, unfortunately the intensity of the flame decreased as time goes by and eventually blown off. Like a blood that was drained due to a slashed vein. Several times we attempted to salvage the relationship, we both tried but it was just fleeting, transient. There are only few things that can kill a relationship between two people- precisely the lack of challenge, a feeling that nothing is new anymore, and surprises for each other that were stopped or lost.  

While writing this article, I am also reading a book (The Pilgrimage) and I got whacked by Petrus’ statement - “Of all the ways we have found to hurt ourselves, the worst has been through love.”
It is distressing to know that I hurt someone’s feelings. It was not an easy decision at all. I came to a point that I considered myself selfish, unfair and inconsiderate thus, I thought of it numerous times and tried to understand the situation before making the final say. I must admit that I am not a good listener; sometimes I can’t even hear my own ramblings.  But this time around, I absolutely listened to the sound of my heart, to make the right decision. I followed the advice of my heart. 

One thing I am sure of, a special person will always have an extraordinary place in my heart. A special person will always be a part of my life. And these words will say it all:

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this?  Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems- the ones that make you truly who you are- that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it’s got to be the right wrong person- someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”- Andrew Boyd

Thursday, December 25, 2014


“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not”-  
                                                                                                    Ralph Waldo Emerson

They said that traveling can be one of the most rewarding forms of introspection, and I must say that it is absolutely true. Some people travel to see the scenic view of nature or the various sights of the places. While some wants to meet interesting people, studying their languages, rich cultures and traditions. For the others, they do it for adventure, to experience something different in order for them to feel the excitement of the new surroundings. From the ubiquitous smell of the rich delicious cuisines of which they will eventually savor; to a simple reason of enjoying in the new stir fry environment for fun, pleasure and relaxation. And for the rest, they do it for exploration. Exploring not just a new place or culture but with their eyes wide open to be able to see what is not normally seen in the daily basis, with more interest and vivid details. All of these makes sense for the said purpose and gives a valid reason. But what makes it interesting is the sense of fulfillment that it brings within.

At first, I was a bit reluctant to travel because it was quite a hassle. I have to invest my time, money and effort in order for it to push through. In fact, I almost gave up on it but what prevented me was the realization that I always wanted to travel since then but for some reasons; it was not the right time yet. So I made a decision to wait for that perfect moment, in the right place and time...and so it happened. During the time I traveled to various places, I found out that it inspires me more to do something in so many ways I can. My travel in some part of Europe is like a trip with benefits. It gave me the chance to look inside myself and discern my strengths and weaknesses.  For instance, when I sat in a bench, overseeing the panoramic views of nature, the grandiose architectural designs and structure or simply just having a cup of hot chocolate with my best friend, made me ponder some things about life, contemplate on matters of decision making and reflect on my own thoughts and feelings. For that reason, before I left home, I’ve decided to travel light. I did not just leave my heavy luggage behind; instead I took off all the jealousies, selfishness, hatred, worries and fears.  I did it to lessen the burden and the heavy feeling inside; otherwise it will just drag and slow me down in my journey.

One thing that also urged me to have that trip was for the reason that I felt it within me, the ardent desire for unfamiliarity. Being a total stranger to a place, don’t know how to speak the language; no idea about their customs…to feel that you are away from your known life, away from the reality, to a non-place environment. I felt really great even though it was just momentary; it brought me to a state of euphoria. Furthermore, seeing those beautiful landmarks or even just when I stepped to one of the Cantons (cities), despite its simplicity ,even the mundanity of any place,event or thing, it gave me a tremendous delight.

The trips were remarkably amazing. All the places we visited were fascinating. First and foremost, I had a chance to spend quality time with one of my best friends and together we witnessed the captivating views, fell in love in some of it, took photographic snap shots as souvenirs, and alongside of it were our gastronomic adventures.The experiences in my journey were so great and memorable. In fact, I felt an inexplicable joy, an overwhelming feeling inside and out.I felt rejuvenated.

 Traveling is truly an appealing experience. An ideal way of venturing out, thus leaving your current life behind for a more relaxing or adventurous break and bringing back the wonderful experiences and beautiful memories to share. It changes your perception with optimism, modifies your attitude with finesse and it seems like when you lose sight of things, it balances out, putting you back to a state of equilibrium. Most importantly, based on my experience, it consoled a troubled heart and eased one's perplexed mind which aided to put back the fragmented pieces, thus will bring forth healing and restoration within. I will definitely treasure each moment of my journey for the rest of my life..# NBA

 I encourage everyone to travel. Treat yourself, give yourself a present, a reward for a job well done.

Merry Christmas & God bless!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

La douleur et l'amour infini

Time flies so fast. It has been a year now since my lola ( grandma) passed away because of breast cancer but the pain of losing her is still fresh for me, seems like it just happened yesterday.But PAIN is a fact of life.It comes into everyone's path. As the author John Green says '' That's the thing about pain,it demands to be felt.''
In my profession, how pain occurs is a highly complex process but can be summarize briefly and simply in this manner: A present of an injury or tissue damage, will stimulate the release of chemical mediators (like prostaglandin) thus activating  the release of nociceptors resulting to the generation of an electrical impulse. This electrical impulse will be transmitted by the nerve fibers to the spinal cord and eventually to the brain then it will send a signal back through its neurotransmitters, and then pain will be perceived or felt.This is physical pain.The good thing about this type of pain is that it can be relieve through pain management measures like applying ice to numb the area, positioning, and of course taking analgesics/ pain killer medicines. But just thinking the complexities of the process, makes me feel like I wanna throw up.  Most of the time, I am the one asking the patient to rate his/her pain from 1-10, 10 as the most severe but there are times that I want to ask  it to  myself and to be honest I cannot even give a definite pain score.

Pain is  absolutely inevitable.But the pain that comes from within is sometimes quite unbearable.  I can attest to that. I have my own personal flaws and setbacks. I have experienced professional struggles and rejection. How will you feel when somebody you loved, dumped or disregarded you? How hurtful it is to be betrayed, abandoned  by a lover or a friend? How will you react if someone messed up with your feelings and emotions? What if you failed in your exam/ interview? or you are a great disappointment to your family? How will you handle if an important person in your life got a terminal illness or a loved one died?

Pain can shatter dreams and expectations.Personal adversities and those seemingly impossible circumstances make us weary, decrepit and even paralyzed us. When I experienced such a traumatic event in my life, I felt a tremendous pain in my heart. Pain squashed my confidence, it squelched my hopes temporarily.  It would even be a perfect place for roots of resentment to set in, then the seeds of bitterness will grow until it will bear ''fruits of anger and hate''. In contrary, to experience pain shape our character and make us grow. It also brings out qualities and values that might not have risen to the surface if not for those trying circumstances and difficult situations. To endure pain make us tough,steadfast and resilient. It  changes the altitude of our attitude and mold us to become better individuals.As the saying goes '' Diamonds are made under pressure''.

 When my family told me that my lola (grandma) was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 4. I started to pray fervently everyday. I am asking for a miracle back then but deep in my heart it's quite hard to pray.The prognosis is very poor. I know what to expect with regards to her illness but I don't know when to accept and how to deal with it in a subtle manner. Her cancer spreads rapidly,in a way that I myself did not expect it so fast and painful. Until now, still there are pangs of guilt and regret within me, that I am not there beside her during the time that she needed me the most. A twinge of conscience that I did not make it on time, the fact the she waited for me to come home. After her  interment, I tried to detached myself from reality.I don't want the experience (her death) to penetrate me temporarily ( for almost 2 months). Every time I am alone,so many things come and pop into my mind, that reality strikes me. It is also true that sometimes silence is deafening. Every time I think about her, I forced my tears to return to its ducts.I muster the courage not to cry not until the right time came.I was ready and then I allowed the experienced to penetrate fully until I able to learn and accept it...I cried. I know I am broken inside.As my face streamed with tears, my chest was heaving, I told my lungs too ''to keep the shit together'' and for the wheezing to shut up because it irks me to hear that sound. Funny but it's true. An author says, ''In order to move on, turn on the faucet, wash yourself with the emotion.It won't hurt you.It will help you let go,let the tears flow and feel it completely, but eventually be able to say '' All right, that was my moment of grief and loneliness''.I hardly did it.

I have read in a book that says, '' Life has to end but Love doesn't''. Death ends a life but not a relationship. Lola  will always be in my heart. I carried it with me her boundless love and care because it gives me comfort and relief. ''Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it.You hold it.You dance with it'' I will always remember the words of wisdom, values and things she taught, shared and imparted to me. Her memories linger in my mind...I must admit that I feel like I lost one of my inspirations, one of my lifeline was cut off. Like a baby connected to her mother through its umbilical cord, I get nourishment from her and eventually the time came for the cord to be cut thus I should manage on my own.I am not dubious about it, I know I can and I did.But the only thing is, it is totally different when you are already in that situation.

Three days back, I watched the movie '' The Fault in our Stars''. It was a good one and I want to share one of the lines that hit me. '' There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a Bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities''. Just like Hazel Grace in the movie, I want more numbers too for my Lola. But then the Lord have other plans for her. He has reasons and that is His will.For sure she already accomplished her missions in life and purpose here on earth. Well, she had a great life, an overwhelming 85 years plus. I get that.But one thing I am certain of, my love for her is boundless and has no limits. She will always be here inside my heart.I will forever treasure our precious moments and infinities together. I am and will forever  be grateful that I have a grandmother like her.I know that she is not just above us, watching but she is right next to us. She will never be forgotten.Her legacy will always be remembered.# NB

Saturday, March 22, 2014

A Moment of Success- The Fuse & a Lighted match

“Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” 
                                                                                            -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Graduation day. It is the recognition of academic accomplishments; a start of new beginnings; a celebration of success for all the graduates of all ages. For those in elementary grades or in high school, it is an achievement that cannot be ignored but at the same time a reminder for them to do better than before, as they take another step in the ladder of education. While for college graduates, it’s somehow the end of their academic era as they move forward to new experiences. The time to be in the battle ground and face their Goliaths in the hostile world as they make their way on to the next chapter in their lives.

As I reminisced my graduation days (from elementary until college), I can say that those days were so special and memorable. Those were my moments of success too; time to harvest the good fruits of my diligence, perseverance and hard work in my studies. Probably for the others, it’s just a regular day but still with a different taste for sure. I felt an overwhelming, inexplicable feeling then as I watched my classmates/batch mates went up the stage and walked down the aisle along with the “Graduation March “music. Their heads held up high, some missed their steps but still beaming with smiles, others with their mouth grinning from ear to ear. To hear the wild clapping of the crowd, the hall was resounded with joy and gladness. While I’m waiting for my moment that time, at the back of my mind I’m telling myself that I should give my speech like a “true pro”. I should make my “Lola” (grandma) and families happy and proud, for this is my moment, my day.

An unknown author said - “The tassel’s worth the hassle”. I couldn’t agree more. There were a lot of entanglements along the way in our lives as students or individuals that could hinder us to reach our goals but I think it’s just a matter of setting our mind straight, guarding our hearts, having a positive attitude in life and putting it into the right perspective. I know some who were very determined and focused in the beginning but walked astray and lost their way from the right path. While others did stumble and fall but still did not give up on their dreams, rather they stood up again, took a small step forward and brought with them the lessons and learning experiences from their past mistakes and used it as essential tools to ensure their success in the future. Let us look at our own disappointments, setbacks and pratfalls as sources of motivation and inspiration. The sacrifices and tremendous efforts, even the moments of our strife and struggles were really worthy of its reward.

But let us not forget that this day is not just for graduates. Most importantly, the day of our graduation is the perfect time to give tribute to our parents, families or significant others who gave their unfailing love, unfading care and unceasingly encourage us in times of our difficulties and despair. They are not just our avid fans but they also became our mentors, role models and supporters who buy into our dreams and help us achieve them. We seek guidance from them who have better experience and a wider perspective. Moreover, they were the people who made us realized that success not only requires good education and critical mind but having the right attitude and disposition in life. Above all, to Almighty God who deserves all the honor and praise, who always guide and help us. For in Him – All things are possible. We just need to put our hope and trust in Him and keep our faith. In the bible, God says “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future.” We should not worry for He will definitely give the desires of hearts according to His plan and purpose.

Just like in the quote of Emerson, let us bear in mind that each one of us are unique individuals who are full of incredible abilities and intangible potentials. All we need to do is to trust in ourselves accompanied with sheer determination and optimism we can create our own path towards success and make a remarkable contribution in this world. # NB

Congratulations to all the Graduates!!!!  Dream Big & Soar High.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Heart is L.O.V.E.

“We can harness the energy of the wind, the seas, and the sun. But the day we learn to harness the energy of Love, that will is important as the discovery of fire… If someone is capable of loving his/her partner without restrictions, unconditionally, then he/she is manifesting the love of God”-  “The Zahir” by Paulo Coelho

The season of love. Love Month. A day to celebrate Valentine’s and the color red dominates the surroundings-red roses, red, heart-shaped balloons and even a red velvet cake. Love fills the air in a romantic dinner date wherein a guy wooing the girl he likes. Moreover, a various display of amorous glances and gestures among lovers are seen conspicuously while they are capturing and relishing their moments of togetherness. This is the picturesque description of a typical Heart’s Day celebration.

Love inundated his heart and it beats faster. It gives an overwhelming feeling that overshadows his whole being; a shiver of surprise and an inexplicable joy. As the cupid’s arrow hit the dormant heart, then it’s a “Love-struck”…A lady with refine and grace enamored a man’s heart. He was mesmerized and captivated by her beauty. Emotions implode and became intense. A wind of affection made him feel some gusts. From a state of  melancholia to a feeling of euphoria, it seems he was placed in a trance.Truly, love moves in mysterious ways.

It says that “In every love lies the seed of our growth” hence,to love and be loved genuinely is a one-of-a-kind experience and one of the greatest feelings thus, it’s better to have loved and loss than never to have love at all. Love provides joy in our hearts, comfort in our afflictions and even strength in times of our weariness. It gives us reasons not to give up and courage to go on. Furthermore, love brings color and meaning into our lives. To experience love in its various forms and in different ways console us and made us feel perked up amidst problems and adversities.Most importantly, it helps us to grow in a more productive way for us to become a better individuals than before.As our hearts are illuminated by love, our minds will be enlightened too; The more we love, the closer we will get the experience which will aid us to to overcome the challenges and even the inhibitions on love.

But love is not all about bed of roses, it has also thorns that can prick and hurt us. It also involves taking risks and the possibilities for us to experience pain and sufferings. We have to accept the reality of it.But these things will teach us life's important lessons on love and relationships that will mark indelibly and  will eventually help us to improve better in dealing with it , not to commit the same mistakes again next time around. Even though we can be hurt along the way but it is essential for the reason that it will nourish us and our existence.Let us begin to seek love; intensify its energy because it will eventually save us from our misery and despair. ''Love has its own voice, it will speak for itself'' which means even in silence our hearts speak, all we need to do is to follow what our hearts dictate.

A world renowned author says in one of his books ''To love is to be communion with the other and to discover in that other the spark of God''. We should love unconditionally, without hesitations.It is easier said than done but it's not impossible.Let God be the center of our relationships. In order for love to remain steadfast, let us seek His unceasing guidance and care; As we build a solid, concrete foundation of love,let us make His (love) as pillars in our relationships for it to be strong and secure.

  As stated in the Bible, ''Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of this is LOVE.

Happy Heart's Day to all!!!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Steward of God: A Tribute

Life is short and we don’t know what tomorrow holds that is why we need to make the most out it each day. We should not just try but give the best of ourselves, so that we will live a life of no regrets. One of the things that we should do is not to forget the people in our lives who made a difference, who invested, made sacrifices and helped us get to where we are now -like our parents.

Let us take time for our parents who took time for us. During the times that we got sick, in trouble or when everything had go downhill, our parents were there in times of our need; now we should be there during their times of need. It is our time now to reach back. The truth is, none of us got to where we are now on our own. We have our families, loved ones, friends, mentors, role models who unceasingly support, encourage, and invested on our success; who buy in to our dreams and help us attain it.

My family is not perfect. In fact, I came from a broken one. I grew up without them at my side most of the time, thus I have a life free of labels and restrictions. I was raised and nurtured by my grandparents, uncles, aunties and other relatives. I seek advice and guidance from my loved ones, teachers, and friends. My survival skills were stimulated then and eventually honed in order for me to fit in and outlive throughout my journey of life; their unfailing love and unfading care became my foundation, a secure ground, in order for me not just to stand up but to stand tall among the crowd; my character was molded because of this unfortunate event.

It’s easy to find fault on the people who raised us. In my case I felt terrible, hurt and the pain was unbearable and unrelenting. It seems like I got debilitated or worst disabled and I just want to shut down at that moment. I thought that time, I don’t deserve it because I’ve been a  good and diligent son  to them and what they reciprocate was unacceptable; Why do I have to suffer the consequences of their actions and to the point that I also have to deal its repercussions…My dad always work all the time abroad; He had issues; My mom doesn’t care; She left us. But at this very moment, I realized that they may not been perfect but they made sacrifices so that I can go further. I remember in a book that I’ve read, it states that “Sacrifice is a part of Life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It is something to aspire to”. Most likely my parents did their best that they could; with what they have and with what they know was best for me.

God handpicked our parents. He knew what they would have and what they wouldn’t have. Whatever happened in the past, I already left it behind so that I will not carry unnecessary luggage in the future, which will only prevent me to raise myself up and soar high. I don’t want to hold on the past anymore, I want to grab on the present and be hopeful for my future. Honestly, I am still grateful with those experiences that I have encountered and faced. If not for those trying circumstances and trials, I will not be this strong-willed and resilient. It helped me to become mature and responsible person. Besides, I don’t want to live bitter just because I did not get what I need, the ideal family that I really aspire to have. I am envious every time I see a family strolling in the mall or even just a simple family outing. (From the dyad of mother/father and child to the triad of the family bonding together harmoniously in one roof which is called-Home.) In a positive and bigger point of view, my parents did their best that they knew how. That is more than enough for me to forgive them and shower my love and support unceasingly. After all, they are my FAMILY, my flesh and blood.

I want to challenge you to do something for your parents today. Honor them. Let them feel your love, how much you value them and what they mean to you. Let us give ourselves: our care, support, gratitude; Make the account full and not cheap them out of the best of us because they absolutely deserve it. I encourage you to tell your Dad/Mom that you love them so much and say thank you while you have a chance. Our Dad/Mom, being a steward of God who will take good care of His children is not an easy task, but they accepted the tremendous responsibility. And I salute all the parents for that.#

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

New Year...New Attitude

It’s 2014. Each and every one of us wishes for a better and more prosperous year than 2013. But we cannot foresee the events that will happen, what lies ahead of us, thus all we can do is to put our trust, keep the faith and hope for the best in finding our purpose and pathway in our journey toward a fulfilling and meaningful life.

“Life isn’t always rosy, but it is always worth living”. Just like the previous year, we will always face and encounter problems and challenges of any kinds. Often we will feel and think that life is unfair, seem cruel. These trying circumstances and tough times can make us doubt ourselves and trigger despair. Let us not forget that we are living in an imperfect world wherein pains and sufferings are inevitable. That life is a constant struggle. But we should bear in mind that these challenges and tests have a purpose-that is to test our character and faith in God. It gives us also an opportunity to grow, like sandpaper that will fix the rough edges and eventually refine us and also to discover who we are meant to be. Furthermore, these trials are necessary in order to make us, mold us in a way that HE wanted us to be.

It’s time to shake up and shrug off those bad vibes, worries and fears that pile up. Let us invite good vibes, welcome positivity and embrace all the possibilities in life with gratefulness. We should face the challenges and trials head-on; these should not faze us at all knowing that God will always be with us wherever we will go. We have no reason to be afraid because He is our refuge and source of strength. In times that we feel weary, despondent and discourage, all we need to do is to trust Him and walk by faith.
This year, together let us start our life anew in a fresh way, load up with optimism and charge up with positive attitude. Probably for some of us, last year was a bad one because of tragic or unfortunate events.For instance, a significant person suffered an illness, terminated in a job, faced with financial adversities /family problem or a loved one died. We got wounded, hurt, we even attempted to quit or  wallowed in self-pity. But these will not help to solve the problems; neither ease the pain nor will lighten up the load of the baggage that we are carrying which drag and weigh us down. The best way to cut the ties to them is to change our attitude. As the adage goes: “Winners never quit and Quitters never win.” It has been my mantra every day and it gives me a fleeting relief and consolation whenever i feel down, fed up and just wanna give up on life due to some unfortunate events or problems.

I have read in a book that the best way to accomplish our goals and reach our dreams is to affirm it every day, then visualize and eventually it will actualize itself. I believe that it helps. On the other hand, I know that sometimes we don’t get the answers we seek or achieve what we want right away. Patience is essential. Sacrifices are also necessary and part of it. But we should not cease rather, we should rekindle the fire inside our hearts, our desire and passion on something until we will reach our maximum potential and be victorious.  Let us give our best to do better this time, forgive ourselves, and keep striving while moving forward.” By changing our attitudes, we can change our lives.”

A blessed and prosperous New Year to all of us!